Hero Worship, Part 19 of 25

[ravenna_c_tan]

Title: Hero Worship, Part 19/25
Author: Ravenna C. Tan
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Word Count: 36,901 total, 889 this part
Disclaimer: This is non-commercial fanfiction. Trademarked characters are used for non-commercial purposes.
Beta: miraba, jordangrant
Author's Note: A gift for regan_v, as a request she made about submissive!snape brought this on.
Warnings: A touch of BDSM/power exchange sex.
Archive: Part of the From Dusk till Dawn Severus Snape/Harry Potter Fuh-Q-Fest at http://www.kardasi.com/HPSS/storyindex.htm (The Fest was due to begin Nov. 10th--now pushed back 1 month, but authors may post in their own journals).
Challenge/Summary: "What if...?" What if Snape did not escape at the end of Half-Blood Prince? What if Kingsley Shacklebolt caught him before he could Apparate away? Not trusted by the Order, but still determined to bring down Voldemort, Snape agrees to undergo an unusual spell.
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen



Hero Worship, Chapter Nineteen
by Ravenna C. Tan


We are in the Room of Requirement the following afternoon when he makes the leap I despaired of him making. I am probing here and there at his thoughts while he tries to Occlude, when suddenly it is as if a grey mist descends. His eyes are focused on the far corner of the room, but then he glances at me.

He knows he's done it, at least partly. I allow myself a smile. "Explain to me what you just did."

He shakes his head to clear it. "I could feel you trying to get at some stuff about the Dursleys, and I was starting to get angry about it, and then I thought, what if I felt differently about it? I mean, what if I pretended those were happy memories and I didn't care if you saw them? And it was like instead of being in a tug of war over them with you, they just... melted away."

I nod. "You made them seem unimportant to you, even though that is not the case."

"Yeah. It was weird, like I could almost... fool myself into thinking it." He beams at me suddenly. "That's it, isn't it? If I can fool myself, I can fool anyone poking around in my head?"

I stand up and stretch. We have been sitting still for a long time. "That is not the whole of it, but it is an important piece. I could tell you were hiding something from me, but I could not see what. At the higher levels, one can hide thought so successfully that the Legilimens cannot even tell that there is something hidden."

"That's what you do with him," Potter says. "Isn't it."

"Quite." I rub my eyes. "You may not need quite that level of competence to duel him, though. He knows, after all, that you are going to be hiding your thoughts."

"But wouldn't it be better if he thought he knew what I was thinking, and then I could be planning something else?" He stands as well, a yawn curving his spine.

"Let us not think too far ahead just yet," I say. "For all that a duel can be like a chess match, I think the most effective attack may be one that leaves him no room for maneuvering. It would be best if it were over with quickly."

The thought sobers him. "You mean a surprise attack? I should just jump out, a quick Killing Curse, and that would be it."

I shrug. "Let us not involve ourselves in strategy just yet. Until the remaining Horcruxes are found, plotting the Dark Lord's death can be little more than a pipe dream."

He sits back down on the tuffet with a grim look on his face. "I've been thinking about that."

"Indeed, you've been doing quite a lot of that lately." My jibe lacks the sharpness it would have had a few months ago. He nearly smirks. He transfigures the tuffet into a more suitable chair, crosses his ankles and looks up at me appraisingly.

I fold my hands over my wand and wait for whatever he is going to say.

"The night we went to the cave," he says, "I keep coming back to it. At the time I was so surprised by everything that happened, I didn't really have time to think about what happened very much. But now that we're going to search for the other Horcruxes, I find myself wondering."

"What sort of things do you wonder?" I prompt, standing as still as I can manage. Which is as still as stone.

"How did Dumbledore know about the Horcrux in the first place? How did he know the location, and how did he know about the potion? There was a potion there, which he had to drink--I had to make him keep drinking it."

"Oh, a potion? You don't say."

His eyes snap up at my sarcasm. He is not a stupid boy, no matter what I may have said in the past. "You're the one who told him about it."

I nod. "I was his main source of information on many things, you may recall." And I would have been yours, had I made it to the Dark Lord's side that night. I do not say this. He realizes it for himself--I see his face fall.

"Then the search for clues in his journals... it's useless," he says.

"No. I was never Albus' sole source of information. There may yet be something important there."

In his despair, his anger returns. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Would you have listened? You learn much better when you draw conclusions yourself, Mr. Potter." That he has learned to question Albus' methods for himself is best of all. Had I impugned his mentor's motives myself, he would no doubt have resisted with his entire being.

He frowns but appears to accept this. Then he looks up. "Isn't it time for you to help out Vance?"

"Indeed. I may need to babysit the potion for the next several hours."

He stands. "I'll bring your supper to the lab."

Whatever emotion he is feeling, he hides it successfully. I would point out that he could send a house elf, but if he did that, I might never find out what it was.

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[Go on to chapter twenty.]