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ravenna_c_tanTitle: Waya's Move
Author: Ravenna C. Tan
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Pairing: Waya/Touya
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3500, complete
Disclaimer: Non-commercial fanfic.
Summary: Waya is tired of all the mysteries about Shindou. But maybe everything isn't about Shindou after all.
Warnings: I'm imagining Waya and Touya as 16-18 here, this taking place maybe a year after the end of the manga. Mild spoilers for the series.
A/N: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
painless_j whose Hikago fic recs are terrific, and who complained recently about how there's just not enough good Hikago fic that isn't Touya/Shindou. I, um, stayed up until 5 am writing her this Waya/Touya as a result. I'm weeks behind on a novel I'm supposed to write... but I wrote this anyway!
By the way, for those who don't know Hikago much, if you want to see just a few relevant snippets of the anime series before reading this fic, they are here, totaling only 5 minutes:
Waya is the redhead in the camo tank top.
Waya is taking the pro exam when he spots young Touya among the others testing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-uHLQDUduo Watch from 6:00 to the end (8:18), and then the first 45 seconds of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVjDhuUqtoc
Later, Waya is trying to figure out who a player is on the Internet (and so it everyone else in the Go world.) He is irked that Touya is interested too. Watch from :22 to 1:15: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7DtKUYD_bI
This story takes place a few years later.
Waya's Move
by Ravenna C. Tan
Waya isn't at all sure how these things keep happening, but it seems like every time he turns around, he's learned some other crazy, unbelievable thing about Shindou.
He stares at his pork cutlet, pushing it around on his rice with his chopsticks, while Ochi hisses in his ear, "I told you! There's nothing good to be had trying to figure out Shindou. Especially not when you're in the middle of playing him!"
Waya crumples the can in his other hand and tosses it into the trash bin where it rattles, causing several other players in the lunch room to glare at him. Screw them. He's losing badly to Shindou today and if this keeps up, Shindou is actually going to pass him in rank, and that simply cannot happen. Waya will have to stop showing his face at Morishita-sensei's house for weeks if that happens.
Shindou, he decides, is like a flakey light bulb. Sometimes he burns so bright, he blinds people like Kadowaki-san, and even Touya-no-longer-Meijin, and Kuwabara-sensei, and Ogata-sensei, too...
And Touya Akira, apparently. From even before Shindou's days as an insei. Waya still remembers young, nervous Shindou bragging about being Touya's rival on that very first day. He didn't believe him then.
Because on other days, he's dim. He played terribly when he first became in insei and they all laughed at the "rival" comment. He was dim most of the time then. Although not so much lately. Shindou has been the star of Morishita-sensei's study group for a while now.
Shindou, he thinks. Why couldn't this be one of your dim days? Ah, stupid, don't think about him, think about yourself! Think about your own Go!
Ochi makes a disgusted sound and leaves, which suits Waya just fine. Ochi has always been bitter, annoying, arrogant, irritating, spiteful, insecure, and prickly, which is why it makes no sense that Waya considers him a friend. But a friend Waya would just as soon not listen to most of the time.
Maybe I'm as dim as Shindou sometimes, Waya thinks. But about other things.
He looks up; lunch is almost over and he is no closer to seeing the move that will turn the game around. His eyes come to rest on the figure across the table and just a few seats down.
Touya Akira. How long has he been sitting there? Waya nearly growls at Touya, who looks back at him with surprisingly wide eyes, looking almost... wounded. It's a look Waya isn't used to seeing on Touya's face. He knows Touya's game face, the tiger-eyed look of aggression and attack, and his other one, the dragon-eyed disdainful dismissal of mere mortals below him. In Waya's mind, those are the only two expressions Touya Akira is allowed.
Who the hell cares about Touya Akira anyway, Waya thinks as he gets up hurriedly, stashes his uneaten lunch away for later, and heads back to the match hall.
Waya takes his position at the board. With any other playing partner, he and Shindou would have had lunch together, and Shindou would have relaxed him, helped him get ready to face the second half of the game. But today Shindou is the opponent, so no such luck. Shindou went out for lunch. He can hear Shindou's laugh coming from the hallway. Who is he laughing with. Touya? Touya doesn't laugh. He doesn't do anything but play Go.
Shindou comes in, carrying that fan. Waya considers Shindou his best friend, but he's never asked about the fan. He knows it has something to do with that time when Shindou almost quit Go. Waya can practically hear the doors slamming in Shindou's mind each time he has tried to even hint about asking what the hell was going on then, but it's just one more mystery about Shindou he tells himself he should forget.
Waya growls again when Touya comes to watch them, sitting quietly beside the board. Pathetic how obsessed with Shindou he is, Waya thinks to himself. Then realizes he may not be any different, and curses Touya inwardly for being the one to reveal this fact.
The game, which was going badly, devolves into worse. Waya can't stop thinking about how they are going to have to show this game to Morishita-sensei, and how painful it's going to be. How long until Morishita-sensei and the others ask him to leave the group entirely? Maybe it's time to think about that offer from Isumi's Chinese Go buddies, to go and train there for a while...
He decides to make one last stand, even though the outcome is decided, at least maybe he can show something for himself that is worth discussing in the study group. He grits his teeth as his stone strikes the board. Shindou has a kind of unholy delight in his eyes as he responds to the move.
And Touya, Waya can't help but notice, has an expression that looks more like... curiosity.
The end is inevitable anyway, though. Once that battle is over, Waya bows his head. "I have nothing."
"Thank you for the game," Shindou responds automatically, then flops back onto his hands, letting out a huge sigh. "Wow, Waya, are you all right? You got off on the wrong foot right at the beginning of the game. It didn't seem like you at all. Are you sick or something?"
"Don't talk like that in front of him!" Waya snarls, glancing at Touya, who is still sitting right there as if he expects to join in the post-game discussion.
"Waya...?" Shindou draws back, a little shocked.
Touya's face closes like a fan being snapped shut, but his voice isn't what Waya expects, not half so sharp, as he says "I don't know why you hate me," under his breath as he gets to his feet and leaves.
Shindou stares after his retreating back.
Waya balls his fists. "We can talk this over... at the study session, if you have somewhere to go."
"Um, yeah, sure, thanks," Shindou says without looking back at Waya, putting his stones away hurriedly and then taking off in the direction Touya went.
Waya doesn't hurry. He puts his stones away and then sits for a few more minutes, contemplating. Or sulking.
When he goes out to the foyer, he sees Shindou's shoes are gone. He is about to put his own on and head back to his apartment when he remembers the uneaten pork cutlet. It'll do for dinner. The biggest drawback to living on his own is getting enough to eat besides Nissen Cup Noodle. He goes back into the lunch room to retrieve it.
Touya is sitting there alone. When his eyes light on Waya and then stay on him as he gets the bag of food out of the refrigerator, Waya realizes Touya has been waiting for him.
Let me guess, you want to ask me about Shindou, Waya thinks, but before he can say it, Touya is speaking first.
"You've always hated me." His voice is soft and a little rough, like he's holding in some unexpressed emotion. "I want to know why."
Waya is too shocked by this bald statement to be angry; he only manages to be defensive. "I... that's ridiculous. I don't hate you."
Touya's eyes flash just a little. "You've always acted as if you do," he counters.
Waya can't really deny that's true and he knows it; it's just never occurred to him before that there was any other possible way to react to Touya's existence. He remembers Touya as a, what, eleven year old? No, twelve, taking the pro exam, sitting there reading a tsumego book like a... like some kind of teacher's pet. Waya isn't proud of the fact he wasn't very kind to him. "You... I just..." Damn it, you're not twelve years old anymore, either. Stop stammering like a junior high kid. Be a man. It never occurred to Waya that anyone could object to the way he's thought about Touya, treated Touya, because Touya is just Touya, annoyingly superior to them all. Who cares what Waya thinks about Touya?
Touya Akira, apparently.
Waya finds himself unable to dredge up an apology, even a fake-sounding one. "You're... but..." He lapses into silence again, staring at Touya like he's never actually seen him before.
There are moments, sometimes, when clarity comes out of nowhere during a game. When little things that seemed to mean nothing suddenly become obvious, and their contribution to the meaning of the game is suddenly clear and unquestionable. Waya has one of those moments now, as he suddenly knows with great certainty that it wasn't Shindou that Touya came to watch today.
Touya takes a breath, then another, and Waya wonders which of them will blink or speak first.
Touya again. His voice still pitched low, not at all the almost officious, crisp voice he has heard Touya use when discussing Go. "That last fight of your game was interesting. It was too late, but I think I can give you some insights..." The pause is just long enough to drive home the point that Touya is bracing himself to be rejected. "If you want them."
Waya looks into eyes that have nothing of the tiger or the dragon in them. He sees the skittishness of a cat that's been kicked. "Please," he says, bowing his head.
They go to Waya's apartment. Neither of them wants to hang around the Go Institute for this, and they can't really go to a Go salon without causing a fuss. And the last thing Waya wants is to watch a bunch of geezers fawn all over Touya anyway, because that is surely what would happen. Whether he likes it or not, Touya is the darling of the Go world, but Waya can't think of how to explain that this is why he thought it was okay to treat Touya like shit. There's a logic there, he just can't seem to articulate it.
While they ride the train in silence, Waya thinks over how Touya tutored Ochi during the pro exam, but because of Shindou. Ochi, the little snot, has never gotten over the fact that Touya views Shindou as a rival but not himself. The thought enters Waya's mind that this may be another strategy of Touya's to learn about Shindou's Go, but he discards it quickly. Intuition says this is something else.
The apartment is small and spare, but a Go board and a futon are all the furniture Waya really needs. He pours Coke into plastic cups for himself and his guest and they sit at the board to discuss.
"You have a talent," Touya says, once Waya has shown him the beginning of the match, "for laying traps. But as a strategy, it is necessarily somewhat passive. You hobble your own strength by holding back your aggression in order to lie in wait. Shindou is highly aggressive. You don't have time to play a careful game with him. I like your planning here, but that wouldn't work on Shindou."
Waya is surprised to hear Touya praise him, even moreso when once they have been there for a while discussing the match, Touya buys sushi for them both, not from the cheap place on the corner, but from the better place up the street that Waya almost never uses. Touya explains that one of his father's other students lives near here, too, and they often order from there during study sessions.
They talk for a while about "revealing moves," hands that might not seem the best or strongest, and yet the response reveals far more than one's opponent intends for you to see. "Sometimes from that one move, you can judge your opponent's strength, weaknesses..." Touya says with a shrug. "Sometimes I can give a reason, but sometimes it seems more like intuition. I've learned to trust it."
Waya just nods.
"Show me the game again," Touya says, after they've eaten and tossed out the containers. This time, instead of letting Waya barrel ahead, though, he stops him every fourth or fifth move, each time, it seems, knocking a brick out of the wall between Waya and a clearer view of the game. Waya even forgets it's Touya sitting there next to him on the tatami. Touya's fingers are long and slender as he points to the stones, revealing a shape Waya had only seen through fog before. By the time they are finished, he feels as if he can see what Shindou saw on that board, what Shindou saw so clearly from the beginning that allowed him to dominate. Waya expected Touya to tell him about Shindou, but now Waya sees his own Go more clearly, and that he did not expect.
They are both silent and staring at the board for immeasurable time. Waya finally speaks. "You know Shindou well."
Touya nods, but then looks up at Waya, eyes wide and shining. "I didn't come here because of Shindou, though."
And Waya has another one of those moments, where things that just didn't add up before suddenly come together in an irrefutable conclusion. He pulls Touya to him with a hand under his chin, until their mouths meet, and Touya's, amazingly, yields under his kiss. Waya sees sparks behind his eyelids. He's never tasted anything like Touya, never heard anything like the sound Touya makes when he's being kissed breathless, and the flare of desire he feels in his belly when he tastes and hears these things is unlike any he's felt while surfing for porn between Internet Go matches.
He only stops kissing Touya so he can say, "I don't hate you."
"Prove it," Touya answers, mouth warm and moist against Waya's ear.
Further talking can't accomplish anything, so Waya maneuvers Touya onto the futon between kisses with gestures and tugs at his clothes, incidentally denuding Touya along the way. Touya's still wearing his socks, but Waya has stopped noticing them, now that his attention is riveted on Touya's torso, on his small brown nipples and reddish erection, the head of Touya's prick half extended from his foreskin.
Waya lies next to him and reaches for it, pushing the foreskin down to expose him more fully, both of them sighing as he does it, and he just really wants to lick there, so he does.
Touya makes another of those incredible sounds, and Waya decides to see what other noises he can get him to make, even as he's wondering just how far this is going to go. Touya's prick fits in his mouth. Screwing around with some kid from his class back in junior high is one thing. Screwing around with Touya-who-could-be-Meijin is another...
Can he play one move that will reveal his partner's intentions to him? There are a thousand things he wants to know. Has Touya done this before? Top or bottom? How long has he thought about Waya, or did he just notice him today? Touya's younger than he is...
But Touya is pulling him up into a kiss, wrapping his legs around Waya's and grinding their cocks together. Now Touya's eyes are fierce with challenge. Waya can hear the voice exhorting him just a short while ago to be more aggressive.
Waya plays his hand, suddenly sure of what move to make. "How do you like it?" he asks.
All is revealed. "Hard and slow," Touya answers, breathless in his surrender. "Please." A moment passes, and then he adds, "There's a bottle in my jacket pocket."
Waya just nods. The bottle is there, along with three condoms. He slicks his fingers and sucks Touya's cock as he thrusts them in, hard and slow like he asked. Touya's cock is salty with precome and Waya stops after a while because he has to be really sure before he goes further, and this isn't a game with a winner and a loser. "Can I finish in you?"
"Please," Touya says, just on the edge of begging, and it makes Waya dizzy to hear him like that.
"Just a second, then," Waya hears himself saying, as he tears open the package and rolls the condom over his own cock. The rubber is slippery and cold, but only for a few moments, and he hasn't done this particular thing before with a boy, but Touya doesn't know that and doesn't need to know that.
Although he wonders if Touya reads his inexperience when going slow proves to be a challenge. Once he's inside, really all the way inside, with one of Touya's legs over his shoulder and one of his own hands clamped around one of Touya's buttcheeks, it's nearly impossible not to just drive into him with desperate urgency.
Still, Waya can hear the words in his head, hard and slow, and he tries his best to comply, pulling nearly all the way out before snapping his hips forward with a grunt. And again. And again.
The effort is worth it. Touya's face transforms utterly, like some kind of creature in a folklore tale, whose beauty is only revealed under some special circumstance. If this is what he looks like while being fucked, Waya really wants to see what he looks like when he comes. And he wants to feel Touya come while he's inside him.
He wraps his fingers around Touya's prick and strokes, matching the strokes to his thrusts, and "slow" goes right out the window. He's half-blind with arousal and the effort of holding back when he feels the hot spill into his fingers and hears the demonic cry Touya lets loose, and lets loose himself, pushing as deep as he can as he comes.
When it's over Waya pulls out quickly, and the sound of dismay Touya makes has Waya already promising in his head that next time he'll wait a little longer, only to scold himself severely as he gets rid of the condom. What the hell makes him think there'll be a next time? But he wraps his arms around Touya then, as if to apologize, and Touya makes a more contented sound. They fall asleep for a while and Waya does not dream.
Around three in the morning Touya gets up and washes off, then gets dressed. "Tutoring session tomorrow morning," he says, yawning. Tokyo never sleeps; he'll catch a cab home. Waya's heard that Touya lives alone in his parents' house, now that they are traveling nearly all the time. He can't seem to come up with a way to ask about that. Not any more than he can ask if this was a one-time thing, or what.
"Thanks for the sushi," is all he can come up with, as Touya puts his shoes on by the door. "And the insights."
"You're welcome," Touya says, voice so polite it is almost an insult. "I enjoyed myself very much."
Waya falls back to sleep almost instantly after he is gone. There will be plenty of time to obsess over unanswered questions tomorrow. Besides, he has bigger things to worry about, like Morishita-sensei's study session, which comes far too quickly, two days after.
Waya keeps thinking that somehow Shindou will read it on him somewhere, the unseen message in Waya's posture that says I fucked Touya Akira 4-dan. But Shindou seems oblivious when they meet, and as the study session begins, he's just like Shindou always is these days, brilliant, with occasional flickers of dim, but the dim moments are fewer and farther between.
They inevitably discuss the game, and Waya finds himself saying things that Touya said to him, not parroting them but almost unable to hold back sharing the insights he has now. Amazingly, by the end of the study session he expected to be banished from, he seems to have gained a new measure of respect from the others.
Even Shindou says, sounding slightly irked, "I think you got stronger. From a game you lost."
"Shindou!" Morishita-sensei barks. "Winning isn't what makes you stronger, playing is!"
"Yeah, yeah..."
Waya doesn't listen to the rest of the argument, he's too pleased with the way things have turned out. And Shindou... Shindou will be Shindou and there's no use trying to figure him out.
And Touya? Waya thinks maybe he's figured him out. Or at least divined enough to be able to make a move.
Their paths don't cross the following week. Or the next, it turns out. Touya has a ridiculously busy match schedule because he has passed the preliminaries for several titles. Over a month goes by, and Waya finally resorts to the phone, getting Touya's number from the Go Institute.
He calls one evening when neither of them has a match the next day. Touya answers the phone.
"You know, I still don't hate you," Waya says.
He's startled to hear a laugh out of Touya.
"I'd like to not hate you some more," Waya adds, in case it wasn't clear.
"Come not hate me at my house this time," Touya says, still chuckling, and gives him the address.
Some things are not so complicated after all.
-end-
Author: Ravenna C. Tan
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Pairing: Waya/Touya
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3500, complete
Disclaimer: Non-commercial fanfic.
Summary: Waya is tired of all the mysteries about Shindou. But maybe everything isn't about Shindou after all.
Warnings: I'm imagining Waya and Touya as 16-18 here, this taking place maybe a year after the end of the manga. Mild spoilers for the series.
A/N: For
painless_j whose Hikago fic recs are terrific, and who complained recently about how there's just not enough good Hikago fic that isn't Touya/Shindou. I, um, stayed up until 5 am writing her this Waya/Touya as a result. I'm weeks behind on a novel I'm supposed to write... but I wrote this anyway!By the way, for those who don't know Hikago much, if you want to see just a few relevant snippets of the anime series before reading this fic, they are here, totaling only 5 minutes:
Waya is the redhead in the camo tank top.
Waya is taking the pro exam when he spots young Touya among the others testing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-uHLQDUduo Watch from 6:00 to the end (8:18), and then the first 45 seconds of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVjDhuUqtoc
Later, Waya is trying to figure out who a player is on the Internet (and so it everyone else in the Go world.) He is irked that Touya is interested too. Watch from :22 to 1:15: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7DtKUYD_bI
This story takes place a few years later.
Waya's Move
by Ravenna C. Tan
Waya isn't at all sure how these things keep happening, but it seems like every time he turns around, he's learned some other crazy, unbelievable thing about Shindou.
He stares at his pork cutlet, pushing it around on his rice with his chopsticks, while Ochi hisses in his ear, "I told you! There's nothing good to be had trying to figure out Shindou. Especially not when you're in the middle of playing him!"
Waya crumples the can in his other hand and tosses it into the trash bin where it rattles, causing several other players in the lunch room to glare at him. Screw them. He's losing badly to Shindou today and if this keeps up, Shindou is actually going to pass him in rank, and that simply cannot happen. Waya will have to stop showing his face at Morishita-sensei's house for weeks if that happens.
Shindou, he decides, is like a flakey light bulb. Sometimes he burns so bright, he blinds people like Kadowaki-san, and even Touya-no-longer-Meijin, and Kuwabara-sensei, and Ogata-sensei, too...
And Touya Akira, apparently. From even before Shindou's days as an insei. Waya still remembers young, nervous Shindou bragging about being Touya's rival on that very first day. He didn't believe him then.
Because on other days, he's dim. He played terribly when he first became in insei and they all laughed at the "rival" comment. He was dim most of the time then. Although not so much lately. Shindou has been the star of Morishita-sensei's study group for a while now.
Shindou, he thinks. Why couldn't this be one of your dim days? Ah, stupid, don't think about him, think about yourself! Think about your own Go!
Ochi makes a disgusted sound and leaves, which suits Waya just fine. Ochi has always been bitter, annoying, arrogant, irritating, spiteful, insecure, and prickly, which is why it makes no sense that Waya considers him a friend. But a friend Waya would just as soon not listen to most of the time.
Maybe I'm as dim as Shindou sometimes, Waya thinks. But about other things.
He looks up; lunch is almost over and he is no closer to seeing the move that will turn the game around. His eyes come to rest on the figure across the table and just a few seats down.
Touya Akira. How long has he been sitting there? Waya nearly growls at Touya, who looks back at him with surprisingly wide eyes, looking almost... wounded. It's a look Waya isn't used to seeing on Touya's face. He knows Touya's game face, the tiger-eyed look of aggression and attack, and his other one, the dragon-eyed disdainful dismissal of mere mortals below him. In Waya's mind, those are the only two expressions Touya Akira is allowed.
Who the hell cares about Touya Akira anyway, Waya thinks as he gets up hurriedly, stashes his uneaten lunch away for later, and heads back to the match hall.
Waya takes his position at the board. With any other playing partner, he and Shindou would have had lunch together, and Shindou would have relaxed him, helped him get ready to face the second half of the game. But today Shindou is the opponent, so no such luck. Shindou went out for lunch. He can hear Shindou's laugh coming from the hallway. Who is he laughing with. Touya? Touya doesn't laugh. He doesn't do anything but play Go.
Shindou comes in, carrying that fan. Waya considers Shindou his best friend, but he's never asked about the fan. He knows it has something to do with that time when Shindou almost quit Go. Waya can practically hear the doors slamming in Shindou's mind each time he has tried to even hint about asking what the hell was going on then, but it's just one more mystery about Shindou he tells himself he should forget.
Waya growls again when Touya comes to watch them, sitting quietly beside the board. Pathetic how obsessed with Shindou he is, Waya thinks to himself. Then realizes he may not be any different, and curses Touya inwardly for being the one to reveal this fact.
The game, which was going badly, devolves into worse. Waya can't stop thinking about how they are going to have to show this game to Morishita-sensei, and how painful it's going to be. How long until Morishita-sensei and the others ask him to leave the group entirely? Maybe it's time to think about that offer from Isumi's Chinese Go buddies, to go and train there for a while...
He decides to make one last stand, even though the outcome is decided, at least maybe he can show something for himself that is worth discussing in the study group. He grits his teeth as his stone strikes the board. Shindou has a kind of unholy delight in his eyes as he responds to the move.
And Touya, Waya can't help but notice, has an expression that looks more like... curiosity.
The end is inevitable anyway, though. Once that battle is over, Waya bows his head. "I have nothing."
"Thank you for the game," Shindou responds automatically, then flops back onto his hands, letting out a huge sigh. "Wow, Waya, are you all right? You got off on the wrong foot right at the beginning of the game. It didn't seem like you at all. Are you sick or something?"
"Don't talk like that in front of him!" Waya snarls, glancing at Touya, who is still sitting right there as if he expects to join in the post-game discussion.
"Waya...?" Shindou draws back, a little shocked.
Touya's face closes like a fan being snapped shut, but his voice isn't what Waya expects, not half so sharp, as he says "I don't know why you hate me," under his breath as he gets to his feet and leaves.
Shindou stares after his retreating back.
Waya balls his fists. "We can talk this over... at the study session, if you have somewhere to go."
"Um, yeah, sure, thanks," Shindou says without looking back at Waya, putting his stones away hurriedly and then taking off in the direction Touya went.
Waya doesn't hurry. He puts his stones away and then sits for a few more minutes, contemplating. Or sulking.
When he goes out to the foyer, he sees Shindou's shoes are gone. He is about to put his own on and head back to his apartment when he remembers the uneaten pork cutlet. It'll do for dinner. The biggest drawback to living on his own is getting enough to eat besides Nissen Cup Noodle. He goes back into the lunch room to retrieve it.
Touya is sitting there alone. When his eyes light on Waya and then stay on him as he gets the bag of food out of the refrigerator, Waya realizes Touya has been waiting for him.
Let me guess, you want to ask me about Shindou, Waya thinks, but before he can say it, Touya is speaking first.
"You've always hated me." His voice is soft and a little rough, like he's holding in some unexpressed emotion. "I want to know why."
Waya is too shocked by this bald statement to be angry; he only manages to be defensive. "I... that's ridiculous. I don't hate you."
Touya's eyes flash just a little. "You've always acted as if you do," he counters.
Waya can't really deny that's true and he knows it; it's just never occurred to him before that there was any other possible way to react to Touya's existence. He remembers Touya as a, what, eleven year old? No, twelve, taking the pro exam, sitting there reading a tsumego book like a... like some kind of teacher's pet. Waya isn't proud of the fact he wasn't very kind to him. "You... I just..." Damn it, you're not twelve years old anymore, either. Stop stammering like a junior high kid. Be a man. It never occurred to Waya that anyone could object to the way he's thought about Touya, treated Touya, because Touya is just Touya, annoyingly superior to them all. Who cares what Waya thinks about Touya?
Touya Akira, apparently.
Waya finds himself unable to dredge up an apology, even a fake-sounding one. "You're... but..." He lapses into silence again, staring at Touya like he's never actually seen him before.
There are moments, sometimes, when clarity comes out of nowhere during a game. When little things that seemed to mean nothing suddenly become obvious, and their contribution to the meaning of the game is suddenly clear and unquestionable. Waya has one of those moments now, as he suddenly knows with great certainty that it wasn't Shindou that Touya came to watch today.
Touya takes a breath, then another, and Waya wonders which of them will blink or speak first.
Touya again. His voice still pitched low, not at all the almost officious, crisp voice he has heard Touya use when discussing Go. "That last fight of your game was interesting. It was too late, but I think I can give you some insights..." The pause is just long enough to drive home the point that Touya is bracing himself to be rejected. "If you want them."
Waya looks into eyes that have nothing of the tiger or the dragon in them. He sees the skittishness of a cat that's been kicked. "Please," he says, bowing his head.
They go to Waya's apartment. Neither of them wants to hang around the Go Institute for this, and they can't really go to a Go salon without causing a fuss. And the last thing Waya wants is to watch a bunch of geezers fawn all over Touya anyway, because that is surely what would happen. Whether he likes it or not, Touya is the darling of the Go world, but Waya can't think of how to explain that this is why he thought it was okay to treat Touya like shit. There's a logic there, he just can't seem to articulate it.
While they ride the train in silence, Waya thinks over how Touya tutored Ochi during the pro exam, but because of Shindou. Ochi, the little snot, has never gotten over the fact that Touya views Shindou as a rival but not himself. The thought enters Waya's mind that this may be another strategy of Touya's to learn about Shindou's Go, but he discards it quickly. Intuition says this is something else.
The apartment is small and spare, but a Go board and a futon are all the furniture Waya really needs. He pours Coke into plastic cups for himself and his guest and they sit at the board to discuss.
"You have a talent," Touya says, once Waya has shown him the beginning of the match, "for laying traps. But as a strategy, it is necessarily somewhat passive. You hobble your own strength by holding back your aggression in order to lie in wait. Shindou is highly aggressive. You don't have time to play a careful game with him. I like your planning here, but that wouldn't work on Shindou."
Waya is surprised to hear Touya praise him, even moreso when once they have been there for a while discussing the match, Touya buys sushi for them both, not from the cheap place on the corner, but from the better place up the street that Waya almost never uses. Touya explains that one of his father's other students lives near here, too, and they often order from there during study sessions.
They talk for a while about "revealing moves," hands that might not seem the best or strongest, and yet the response reveals far more than one's opponent intends for you to see. "Sometimes from that one move, you can judge your opponent's strength, weaknesses..." Touya says with a shrug. "Sometimes I can give a reason, but sometimes it seems more like intuition. I've learned to trust it."
Waya just nods.
"Show me the game again," Touya says, after they've eaten and tossed out the containers. This time, instead of letting Waya barrel ahead, though, he stops him every fourth or fifth move, each time, it seems, knocking a brick out of the wall between Waya and a clearer view of the game. Waya even forgets it's Touya sitting there next to him on the tatami. Touya's fingers are long and slender as he points to the stones, revealing a shape Waya had only seen through fog before. By the time they are finished, he feels as if he can see what Shindou saw on that board, what Shindou saw so clearly from the beginning that allowed him to dominate. Waya expected Touya to tell him about Shindou, but now Waya sees his own Go more clearly, and that he did not expect.
They are both silent and staring at the board for immeasurable time. Waya finally speaks. "You know Shindou well."
Touya nods, but then looks up at Waya, eyes wide and shining. "I didn't come here because of Shindou, though."
And Waya has another one of those moments, where things that just didn't add up before suddenly come together in an irrefutable conclusion. He pulls Touya to him with a hand under his chin, until their mouths meet, and Touya's, amazingly, yields under his kiss. Waya sees sparks behind his eyelids. He's never tasted anything like Touya, never heard anything like the sound Touya makes when he's being kissed breathless, and the flare of desire he feels in his belly when he tastes and hears these things is unlike any he's felt while surfing for porn between Internet Go matches.
He only stops kissing Touya so he can say, "I don't hate you."
"Prove it," Touya answers, mouth warm and moist against Waya's ear.
Further talking can't accomplish anything, so Waya maneuvers Touya onto the futon between kisses with gestures and tugs at his clothes, incidentally denuding Touya along the way. Touya's still wearing his socks, but Waya has stopped noticing them, now that his attention is riveted on Touya's torso, on his small brown nipples and reddish erection, the head of Touya's prick half extended from his foreskin.
Waya lies next to him and reaches for it, pushing the foreskin down to expose him more fully, both of them sighing as he does it, and he just really wants to lick there, so he does.
Touya makes another of those incredible sounds, and Waya decides to see what other noises he can get him to make, even as he's wondering just how far this is going to go. Touya's prick fits in his mouth. Screwing around with some kid from his class back in junior high is one thing. Screwing around with Touya-who-could-be-Meijin is another...
Can he play one move that will reveal his partner's intentions to him? There are a thousand things he wants to know. Has Touya done this before? Top or bottom? How long has he thought about Waya, or did he just notice him today? Touya's younger than he is...
But Touya is pulling him up into a kiss, wrapping his legs around Waya's and grinding their cocks together. Now Touya's eyes are fierce with challenge. Waya can hear the voice exhorting him just a short while ago to be more aggressive.
Waya plays his hand, suddenly sure of what move to make. "How do you like it?" he asks.
All is revealed. "Hard and slow," Touya answers, breathless in his surrender. "Please." A moment passes, and then he adds, "There's a bottle in my jacket pocket."
Waya just nods. The bottle is there, along with three condoms. He slicks his fingers and sucks Touya's cock as he thrusts them in, hard and slow like he asked. Touya's cock is salty with precome and Waya stops after a while because he has to be really sure before he goes further, and this isn't a game with a winner and a loser. "Can I finish in you?"
"Please," Touya says, just on the edge of begging, and it makes Waya dizzy to hear him like that.
"Just a second, then," Waya hears himself saying, as he tears open the package and rolls the condom over his own cock. The rubber is slippery and cold, but only for a few moments, and he hasn't done this particular thing before with a boy, but Touya doesn't know that and doesn't need to know that.
Although he wonders if Touya reads his inexperience when going slow proves to be a challenge. Once he's inside, really all the way inside, with one of Touya's legs over his shoulder and one of his own hands clamped around one of Touya's buttcheeks, it's nearly impossible not to just drive into him with desperate urgency.
Still, Waya can hear the words in his head, hard and slow, and he tries his best to comply, pulling nearly all the way out before snapping his hips forward with a grunt. And again. And again.
The effort is worth it. Touya's face transforms utterly, like some kind of creature in a folklore tale, whose beauty is only revealed under some special circumstance. If this is what he looks like while being fucked, Waya really wants to see what he looks like when he comes. And he wants to feel Touya come while he's inside him.
He wraps his fingers around Touya's prick and strokes, matching the strokes to his thrusts, and "slow" goes right out the window. He's half-blind with arousal and the effort of holding back when he feels the hot spill into his fingers and hears the demonic cry Touya lets loose, and lets loose himself, pushing as deep as he can as he comes.
When it's over Waya pulls out quickly, and the sound of dismay Touya makes has Waya already promising in his head that next time he'll wait a little longer, only to scold himself severely as he gets rid of the condom. What the hell makes him think there'll be a next time? But he wraps his arms around Touya then, as if to apologize, and Touya makes a more contented sound. They fall asleep for a while and Waya does not dream.
Around three in the morning Touya gets up and washes off, then gets dressed. "Tutoring session tomorrow morning," he says, yawning. Tokyo never sleeps; he'll catch a cab home. Waya's heard that Touya lives alone in his parents' house, now that they are traveling nearly all the time. He can't seem to come up with a way to ask about that. Not any more than he can ask if this was a one-time thing, or what.
"Thanks for the sushi," is all he can come up with, as Touya puts his shoes on by the door. "And the insights."
"You're welcome," Touya says, voice so polite it is almost an insult. "I enjoyed myself very much."
Waya falls back to sleep almost instantly after he is gone. There will be plenty of time to obsess over unanswered questions tomorrow. Besides, he has bigger things to worry about, like Morishita-sensei's study session, which comes far too quickly, two days after.
Waya keeps thinking that somehow Shindou will read it on him somewhere, the unseen message in Waya's posture that says I fucked Touya Akira 4-dan. But Shindou seems oblivious when they meet, and as the study session begins, he's just like Shindou always is these days, brilliant, with occasional flickers of dim, but the dim moments are fewer and farther between.
They inevitably discuss the game, and Waya finds himself saying things that Touya said to him, not parroting them but almost unable to hold back sharing the insights he has now. Amazingly, by the end of the study session he expected to be banished from, he seems to have gained a new measure of respect from the others.
Even Shindou says, sounding slightly irked, "I think you got stronger. From a game you lost."
"Shindou!" Morishita-sensei barks. "Winning isn't what makes you stronger, playing is!"
"Yeah, yeah..."
Waya doesn't listen to the rest of the argument, he's too pleased with the way things have turned out. And Shindou... Shindou will be Shindou and there's no use trying to figure him out.
And Touya? Waya thinks maybe he's figured him out. Or at least divined enough to be able to make a move.
Their paths don't cross the following week. Or the next, it turns out. Touya has a ridiculously busy match schedule because he has passed the preliminaries for several titles. Over a month goes by, and Waya finally resorts to the phone, getting Touya's number from the Go Institute.
He calls one evening when neither of them has a match the next day. Touya answers the phone.
"You know, I still don't hate you," Waya says.
He's startled to hear a laugh out of Touya.
"I'd like to not hate you some more," Waya adds, in case it wasn't clear.
"Come not hate me at my house this time," Touya says, still chuckling, and gives him the address.
Some things are not so complicated after all.
-end-
