Hero Worship, Part 25 of 25 (Conclusion!)
Nov. 21st, 2006 11:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravenna_c_tanTitle: Hero Worship, Part 25/25
Author: Ravenna C. Tan
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Word Count: 36,901 total, 1227 this part
Disclaimer: This is non-commercial fanfiction. Trademarked characters are used for non-commercial purposes.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
miraba, jordangrant
Author's Note: A gift forregan_v, as a request she made about submissive!snape brought this on.
Warnings: A touch of BDSM/power exchange sex. Harry is 16.
Archive: Part of the From Dusk till Dawn Severus Snape/Harry Potter Fuh-Q-Fest at http://www.kardasi.com/HPSS/storyindex.htm (The Fest was due to begin Nov. 10th--now pushed back 1 month, but authors may post in their own journals).
Challenge/Summary: "What if...?" What if Snape did not escape at the end of Half-Blood Prince? What if Kingsley Shacklebolt caught him before he could Apparate away? Not trusted by the Order, but still determined to bring down Voldemort, Snape agrees to undergo an unusual spell.
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, Chapter Twenty, Chapter Twenty one, Chapter Twenty two, Chapter Twenty-three, Chapter Twenty-four
Hero Worship, Chapter Twenty Five
by Ravenna C. Tan
The summons to the lion's den is not unexpected. What I do not expect when I walk in is to see Potter on his feet, hands on Minerva's desk, and both of their faces red as though they have been shouting at one another.
Potter expels a breath and then sits in his usual chair, while Minerva fusses with a third cup of tea for me. I am torn between my yearning to place myself at his feet and the knowledge that the time for that charade is past.
I settle into the empty chair opposite him and his expression hardens.
"I take it you have been discussing our next move," I say, reaching for the cup as Minerva charms it to float over to me.
It shatters before I can grasp it. I glance at him, but he is staring wide-eyed at our dear headmistress.
"Oh my goodness, terribly sorry," she says, vanishing the spilled tea and slivers of china from my lap with a flick of her wand. "I'm a bit high-strung at the moment."
My mouth hangs open before I remember to murmur, "Yes, well, Minerva, it has been a trying time for all of us. Now, as I was saying,"--I shake off her offer of more tea--"I see no reason why at this juncture we should not carry on with Albus' original plan to place me permanently with the Death Eaters. It will allow us a simple explanation for Vance's death, open the conduit of information we have been lacking, and place me in a strategic position for Harry's eventual confrontation with the Dark Lord."
Potter's voice sounds strange, as he quotes from the prophecy. "And either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives." His wand is in his hand, quiet in his lap. "You'd think I'd be used to it by now."
"You will have the best chance of success if I am there and able to help you."
"Have you considered that you might be able to just come with me?"
"The spell is gone, Potter. You've no reason to play the role of protector to me now."
"Don't I?" He's on his feet, his face stricken.
I turn to Minerva. "You must agree that this course of action makes a great deal of sense. Albus did not plan it on a whim."
She takes a deep breath and meets my gaze. "Elphias was here earlier. He has completed the decryption of Albus' journals. I... do not think we can fathom the complete depths of his plans, Severus."
"But surely..." She holds up a hand to indicate she is not finished.
She speaks to me as if she and I are alone in the room. "Consider your own plans, Severus. Are you truly trying to follow the last wish of a dying man? Do you feel that by doing so you'll absolve yourself of his death?"
"His death is... meaningless, unless we use it to our advantage." I feel a deep trembling in my chest as I say it. She is right, of course. I do feel that this is my only chance for absolution for what I have done. "If I do not follow through, his sacrifice will mean nothing."
"And what of Harry?"
I force myself to look at her, and not to look at the young wizard to my left. "His cause is my cause. To bring down the Dark Lord, that is my one remaining goal in life. But whatever... attachment we may have shared these past few weeks, surely it must be set aside now."
Potter makes not a sound. I find myself continuing. "Minerva, this was nothing more than a respite from the battle. I was allowed to indulge the fantasy that the hero of the Wizarding world was my personal shield from all evil. But I have no reason to hide behind him any longer."
Her eyes are unreadable. "Do you think he will forgive you, if you help him to defeat your common enemy?"
"Forgive me what?"
She gives me the look she reserves for recalcitrant schoolboys.
"For killing Albus?" I blink. For a moment I see the connection. And then I snap the thread. "They are called Unforgivables for a reason, Minerva. Albus knew that. I accepted my fate long ago." I can see the skeptical look in her eye. "I belong on the Dark side, Minerva."
She purses her lips. "Did Albus think so?"
"Yes, of course he did. He accepted it, as well."
Now her eyes turn toward Potter. I find I cannot look at him. He holds something toward me and I put out my hand, still not meeting his eyes.
A length of fine silver chain pools in the palm of my hand. He clears his throat. "It wasn't my idea, you know."
I look back to Minerva, who folds her hands together as she says, "The idea came from one of Albus' last entries, one of the first ones decoded. He worried about you, Severus, especially in his absence. He thought Harry should be your protector."
"My..." I clench my fist, the chain within, and press it to my forehead as if the thought will not penetrate any other way. Albus wanted this? Predicted this? He was always prone to sentimentality.
Minerva's voice is soft, as she too, quotes from the prophecy. " And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not."
"For Merlin's sake, Minerva," I snap. "You didn't honestly believe all Albus' talk about love, did you?"
"I am not talking about love, Severus," she replies. "Love is far too unpredictable and difficult to define." I hear Potter getting to his feet. "I speak of... forgiveness."
The word comes like a thunderclap—like a hex, it drops me to my knees. I cannot open my eyes, but I can feel a hand on my head, the maelstrom of thoughts spinning down to that one point, to the only clarity I have left, the only clarity I have had in weeks. To him.
"Harry," I say, as my shoulders begin to shake.
"I don't know, Minerva." He pets my hair with knowing gentleness and I suffer under that touch. "I think I can forgive him for taking part in the headmaster's plan. But I don't know if I can forgive him for trying to leave me."
Weeping is not something I've done much of in my adult life. But tears fall silently onto his robes.
"You must admit, his plan does have some logical merit." She speaks as though I am not there, prostrate and penitent.
"Of course it does. The headmaster was pretty sharp. But I think you may be onto something with the whole forgiveness idea."
"You needn't make any decisions now." She stands as well in a rustling of robes. "I'll finish reading the journals in the next few days and then we can re-evaluate. In the meantime, may I suggest you at least try to forgive him? You never know until you try."
"Yeah, that's true." He reaches down, loosens my grip on his robes and takes the chain from my hand. I look up into his eyes and nod. He drapes it over my head, then grips it tightly in his fists. "Thank you, Minerva," he says, though his eyes never leave mine. "I'll let you know how it goes."
He leans toward me then, his mouth seeking mine, and even as the charm whisks us away, I feel his kiss bring me not pleasure, but absolution.
-end-
Author: Ravenna C. Tan
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry/Snape
Word Count: 36,901 total, 1227 this part
Disclaimer: This is non-commercial fanfiction. Trademarked characters are used for non-commercial purposes.
Beta:
miraba, jordangrantAuthor's Note: A gift for
regan_v, as a request she made about submissive!snape brought this on.Warnings: A touch of BDSM/power exchange sex. Harry is 16.
Archive: Part of the From Dusk till Dawn Severus Snape/Harry Potter Fuh-Q-Fest at http://www.kardasi.com/HPSS/storyindex.htm (The Fest was due to begin Nov. 10th--now pushed back 1 month, but authors may post in their own journals).
Challenge/Summary: "What if...?" What if Snape did not escape at the end of Half-Blood Prince? What if Kingsley Shacklebolt caught him before he could Apparate away? Not trusted by the Order, but still determined to bring down Voldemort, Snape agrees to undergo an unusual spell.
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, Chapter Twenty, Chapter Twenty one, Chapter Twenty two, Chapter Twenty-three, Chapter Twenty-four
Hero Worship, Chapter Twenty Five
by Ravenna C. Tan
The summons to the lion's den is not unexpected. What I do not expect when I walk in is to see Potter on his feet, hands on Minerva's desk, and both of their faces red as though they have been shouting at one another.
Potter expels a breath and then sits in his usual chair, while Minerva fusses with a third cup of tea for me. I am torn between my yearning to place myself at his feet and the knowledge that the time for that charade is past.
I settle into the empty chair opposite him and his expression hardens.
"I take it you have been discussing our next move," I say, reaching for the cup as Minerva charms it to float over to me.
It shatters before I can grasp it. I glance at him, but he is staring wide-eyed at our dear headmistress.
"Oh my goodness, terribly sorry," she says, vanishing the spilled tea and slivers of china from my lap with a flick of her wand. "I'm a bit high-strung at the moment."
My mouth hangs open before I remember to murmur, "Yes, well, Minerva, it has been a trying time for all of us. Now, as I was saying,"--I shake off her offer of more tea--"I see no reason why at this juncture we should not carry on with Albus' original plan to place me permanently with the Death Eaters. It will allow us a simple explanation for Vance's death, open the conduit of information we have been lacking, and place me in a strategic position for Harry's eventual confrontation with the Dark Lord."
Potter's voice sounds strange, as he quotes from the prophecy. "And either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives." His wand is in his hand, quiet in his lap. "You'd think I'd be used to it by now."
"You will have the best chance of success if I am there and able to help you."
"Have you considered that you might be able to just come with me?"
"The spell is gone, Potter. You've no reason to play the role of protector to me now."
"Don't I?" He's on his feet, his face stricken.
I turn to Minerva. "You must agree that this course of action makes a great deal of sense. Albus did not plan it on a whim."
She takes a deep breath and meets my gaze. "Elphias was here earlier. He has completed the decryption of Albus' journals. I... do not think we can fathom the complete depths of his plans, Severus."
"But surely..." She holds up a hand to indicate she is not finished.
She speaks to me as if she and I are alone in the room. "Consider your own plans, Severus. Are you truly trying to follow the last wish of a dying man? Do you feel that by doing so you'll absolve yourself of his death?"
"His death is... meaningless, unless we use it to our advantage." I feel a deep trembling in my chest as I say it. She is right, of course. I do feel that this is my only chance for absolution for what I have done. "If I do not follow through, his sacrifice will mean nothing."
"And what of Harry?"
I force myself to look at her, and not to look at the young wizard to my left. "His cause is my cause. To bring down the Dark Lord, that is my one remaining goal in life. But whatever... attachment we may have shared these past few weeks, surely it must be set aside now."
Potter makes not a sound. I find myself continuing. "Minerva, this was nothing more than a respite from the battle. I was allowed to indulge the fantasy that the hero of the Wizarding world was my personal shield from all evil. But I have no reason to hide behind him any longer."
Her eyes are unreadable. "Do you think he will forgive you, if you help him to defeat your common enemy?"
"Forgive me what?"
She gives me the look she reserves for recalcitrant schoolboys.
"For killing Albus?" I blink. For a moment I see the connection. And then I snap the thread. "They are called Unforgivables for a reason, Minerva. Albus knew that. I accepted my fate long ago." I can see the skeptical look in her eye. "I belong on the Dark side, Minerva."
She purses her lips. "Did Albus think so?"
"Yes, of course he did. He accepted it, as well."
Now her eyes turn toward Potter. I find I cannot look at him. He holds something toward me and I put out my hand, still not meeting his eyes.
A length of fine silver chain pools in the palm of my hand. He clears his throat. "It wasn't my idea, you know."
I look back to Minerva, who folds her hands together as she says, "The idea came from one of Albus' last entries, one of the first ones decoded. He worried about you, Severus, especially in his absence. He thought Harry should be your protector."
"My..." I clench my fist, the chain within, and press it to my forehead as if the thought will not penetrate any other way. Albus wanted this? Predicted this? He was always prone to sentimentality.
Minerva's voice is soft, as she too, quotes from the prophecy. " And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not."
"For Merlin's sake, Minerva," I snap. "You didn't honestly believe all Albus' talk about love, did you?"
"I am not talking about love, Severus," she replies. "Love is far too unpredictable and difficult to define." I hear Potter getting to his feet. "I speak of... forgiveness."
The word comes like a thunderclap—like a hex, it drops me to my knees. I cannot open my eyes, but I can feel a hand on my head, the maelstrom of thoughts spinning down to that one point, to the only clarity I have left, the only clarity I have had in weeks. To him.
"Harry," I say, as my shoulders begin to shake.
"I don't know, Minerva." He pets my hair with knowing gentleness and I suffer under that touch. "I think I can forgive him for taking part in the headmaster's plan. But I don't know if I can forgive him for trying to leave me."
Weeping is not something I've done much of in my adult life. But tears fall silently onto his robes.
"You must admit, his plan does have some logical merit." She speaks as though I am not there, prostrate and penitent.
"Of course it does. The headmaster was pretty sharp. But I think you may be onto something with the whole forgiveness idea."
"You needn't make any decisions now." She stands as well in a rustling of robes. "I'll finish reading the journals in the next few days and then we can re-evaluate. In the meantime, may I suggest you at least try to forgive him? You never know until you try."
"Yeah, that's true." He reaches down, loosens my grip on his robes and takes the chain from my hand. I look up into his eyes and nod. He drapes it over my head, then grips it tightly in his fists. "Thank you, Minerva," he says, though his eyes never leave mine. "I'll let you know how it goes."
He leans toward me then, his mouth seeking mine, and even as the charm whisks us away, I feel his kiss bring me not pleasure, but absolution.
-end-
